McGua is retired; His son McGua Manjos is fired.    Nothing personal; it is just that we are branching off to a radio call-in format.   And what better host for that than our old friend Elias Amare, who is in Asmara, fine-tuning Shaebia.org.   What?  Well, when he said his article �Dispatches From Asmara� will be posted �every Monday�, he meant every Monday that the �National Assembly� meets.    It is very clear, really.  His article appears every Monday except on the Mondays that it doesn�t.    Why don�t YOU try to write an article every week and translate every Tigrigna article into English, wise guy.   It is not as easy as you think. Elias has now a new radio program, which is called �Every Tuesday.�   Here�s an excerpt from the last show that aired on�last Tuesday:

Elias: Welcome to �Every Tuesday�, a penetrating and piercing radio talk-show that airs every Tuesday except on the days that it doesn�t.   Thank you for tuning in.   My first guest is Dr. Tesfay Aradom, a member of Eritrea�s National Assembly.   I spoke to him recently after the successful conclusion of the Assembly�s session.   Our subject today is �Watches: And What Time Is It?�  Dr. Tesfay, which factory was the watch made in?    This is my next-to-last question: Is the band of the watch made of leather or imitation rubber and can it you be used for stamping? 

Dr. Tesfay Aradom:  I will not dignify the question of, � is the watch band made of rubber?�  That is beneath contempt.  As a member of the National Assembly, it is my job to read the minds of my constituency, which allows me to precisely tell that all of them, without exception, support the synchronization of watches.  

Elias: This is my last question: Does the law require that there be women in the assembly line of watch manufacturing?

Dr. Tesfay Aradom:  After a great deal of social engineering, we have perfected our watch factory to a degree that, when discussing the issue of whether we still need women�s watches, and what the styles should be, only the men discuss the issue, without pausing for a second to reflect on the absurdity of this.

Elias: This is my final, final question:  How much did the watch cost?

Dr. Tesfay Aradom:  We had two different budgets: a capital budget for the hour hand and an expense budget for the minute hand�.Our watch has no second hand because we believe in first hand.  These are clearly stamped in the watch..  

Elias:  I am all out of questions.   Thank you so very much for your very illuminating answers to my questions�

Dr. Tesfay Aradom:  Aren�t you going to ask me about the alleged malfunction in the watch?  There are many who are demanding a recall but they are defeatists and malcontents.   Yes, the minute hand in our watch had detoured slightly and was beginning to tick but now, thanks to our special silencer, the Master Winder winds all our watches and they all move (clockwise of course), silently�

Elias:  That was my final question.  Thank you oh so very much, see you next summer�Our next guest is the most famous Eritrean writer, T.M. Negassi.   Mr. T.M. Negassi could not be here with us; nor could he call in because by doing so people will recognize his voice and he fears for his safety.   The e-mail, which was bounced via Minnesota, arrived today.  I will now read you the answers he e-mailed me:   

T. M. Negassi: What time is it?  Only those who understand courage, people like me, can understand time.  Only hasusat and temberkekti ask such a question!! Hafash knows what time it is.   The defeatists met the Siye group and said, �let�s sneak into the office of the President of the Republic of Eritrea and take out the batteries of his watch.�   The defeatists sent Morse Codes and said when we tap 15, that is us disclosing the co-ordinates of the location of Isaias Jegna which means it is then time for you to fire at will.  Little did they know that watch of the President of the Republic of Eritrea has no need for batteries!!!    Hafash is his watch and he watches Hafash carefully.   Little did the Hasusat know that Hafash would throw himself in the line of fire to protect the President of the Republic of Eritrea.  O Mesfin, you are not like the others; you are from Mae�ekel, it is time for you to come home�   

Elias:  Thank you Negassi The Lion Hearted.   Surely you are as wise as Solomon.  Drar is on me, when you visit.   Moving on, we speak to one of the most patriotic Eritreans who nearly lost his �Life� and gave up his �Limb� for his country.   It is a good thing that he had backed up the two files named �Life� and �Limb� in his university computer and can now share with us his profound wisdom�. 

Dr. Michael Fessehaye:  [A] Time, you say!  Don�t think I don�t know that voice masquerading as Elias.   It is Gadi! Be that it may, Gadi, it is time to ignore the desperately desperate desperado.  It is time to watch them diligently and time to ignore them completely.   [B] How do you do both, Gadi?   In the land of Warsay, in the land of Yeka�alo, in the land of Haras Nebri and Tenas Anbesa, all things are possible.   We have no time for time when we are traveling across time.  Gadi, Gadi, Gadi.   [C] The Lion of Nackfa stopped the G-20 in their tracks as they were trying to steal time and give it to Dr. Bereket Habteselassie, who had borrowed it from Hebret, who is still ignoring Gadi.  Gadi, Gadi, Gadi.  [D] Then the desperate Younis came and passed the time desperately with his desperado friends.   I tell time in seconds because that way I get to write long numbers like 3,200,000,000.  It is time for Eritreans to think of themselves as Eritreans and not the specific region they come from.  Signed, Asghedetay.

Elias:  Thank you for your illuminating insight.   No wonder they come in such small doses; larger doses of this rare nugget would certainly blind people�. 

Dr. Michael Fessehaye:  [E] PS:  Gadi, Gadi, Gadi, desperately desperate desperado.  Ignore everything he does but watch him diligently. Gadi,Gadi,Gadi. The mullah must be stopped to save Eritrea for those of us who are completely free of any sub-national sentiments.   Asghedetai!

Elias:  Thank you.   Thank you so much.  Now we speak to Aya Fisseha, one of Eritrea�s many super nationalists�

Fesseha Habte:  Stop being so insolent!  This thing about �time,� its �pace� and its �duration� means �little� to �the� average �layperson� like �Hafash� and me     We are not �educated� about �time�; we are �unschooled� yet we are �learned.� Time was �invented� by �Westerners� those people that our �learned� are so �impressed� with �forgetting� the �Hafash� like me �who� can quote philosophers.   �Space and time are modes by which we think, not conditions under which we live,� wrote Einstein.   In the language of the ancestors of Einstein, who lived under the �oppressive� regime of the Roman people who wore �sundials,� we the Hafash say �Shelom� and beg our �learned ones� to stop thinking less of �sundials� and more of �plastic sandals.� 

Elias:   Thank you sir.  What a country.   So blessed with so many gifted thinkers.   We move on from the lion to the lioness.   Our sister Sophia Tesfamariam who has been holding the fort almost single-handedly in that traitors� den known as Asmarino. 

Sophia Tesfamariam:  What I don�t understand is, why is Hebret bitching about time?  Speaking for myself, I was born with a rolex on my right wrist and a TIMEX on my left.  I have no need to help tell people what time is it.   I do it for purely patriotic reasons, something that people like Hebret and Bereket and the other Ds know nothing about.   What do traitors know about time?   I did a little research on the Internet and this is what I found:

By international agreement, the reported times for essentially all meteorological reports to include observations and forecast verification times are given according to Universal Coordinated Time (UTC), formerly called Greenwich Mean Time (GMT). [Note: On many maps, GMT times are also referred to as "Z" or, phonetically, "zulu" times for the letter identifying that time zone centered on the Greenwich Prime Meridian; see Figure 1.]

Elias:  Thank you, Sophia�

Sophia:  I am not done.  Before we can compare the local time that we normally use in our everyday lives with UTC times, we will need to look at the concept of civil time zones.  Even the Universalists take into account the Civil Time Zones.   Did the traitors ask themselves what is the civil time in Eritrea before they deafen us with noises about universalism?   What does it mean to an average Eritrean to talk about Greenwich meantime?   Allow me to read you something I found on the Internet:

 CIVIL TIME ZONES

Ideally, the world is divided into 24 major civil time zones, each zone having an east-west dimension of 15�a1 of longitude centered upon a central meridian. This central meridian for each zone has a longitude divisible by 15�a1. When the sun is directly above this meridian, local time at all points within that zone is noon. Modifications of the boundaries between time zones have been made to accommodate political boundaries in the various countries. Some countries adhere to a local civil time which may differ by one half hour from that of the central meridian. A map of the time zones of the world can be found in Figure 1.

Time in the UTC system is reckoned from the local standard time observed along the Greenwich Meridian, the reference meridian of longitude (defined as 0�a1 longitude) passing through the Old Royal Observatory in Greenwich, England. For each 15�a1 zone that an observer progresses to the east of Greenwich, the clock is advanced one hour. Locations in each adjacent zone to the west are an hour earlier. The number of hours that must be added or subtracted from local civil time in the zone to Greenwich time is indicated for each zone.

The International Date Line is an imaginary line located near the 180�a1 meridian of longitude that traverses the sparsely populated portions of the Pacific Ocean. When the line is crossed going west, the calendar date is advanced one day; when the line is crossed going east, the locally observed date becomes one day earlier than that to the west of the Dateline.

Elias:  Thank you so much, Sophia�

Sophia:  I am not finished! And here is more on Universal Time Conversion:

Local civil time converts to UTC in the following manner. First, local civil time must be expressed in the 24 hour time format (e.g., 8:45 A.M. = 0845 and 1:15 P.M. = 1315). Then, depending upon one's location east or west of the Greenwich Prime Meridian, subtract or add 1 hour of time to this local standard time for each 15 degrees of longitude (or time zone) that the location is away from the Prime Meridian to determine the equivalent UTC time. Inspect the World Map of Time Zones (Figure 1) for the location of civil time zones. For example, Madison, in the Central Time Zone, is at approximately 90�a1 West Longitude. Hence, Central Standard Time lags UTC by 6 hours {since 90�a1/(15�a1per hr) = 6 hr}. Thus, 3 P.M. CST = 1500 CST = 2100 UTC. During the summer, Central Daylight Saving Time is 5 hours behind UTC because UTC does not adhere to a "summer schedule"; thus, 3 P.M. CDT = 2000 UTC.

In short, Eritrea has to keep time in a way that makes sense to Hafash.   God save Eritrea from her selfish time-keepers!

Elias:   Amen to that, Sister Sophia.  I don�t think there are any follow-up questions on that subject; you have answered every question to everyone�s satisfaction.   Chapter is now closed�.we have an e-mail from T.M. Negassi�.hmmm�I stand corrected.   The �Chapter Closed� is a registered trademark of T.M. Negassi, which has been lent to the National Assembly.   Duly noted.    And now we move on to our next guest, on whom we hope to prevail to take off his mask, Warsai Eritrawi�.But first, Aya Fisseha has something to say�

Fisseha Habte:  May I say that what Sophia said is so profound and true!!!  I as a layperson cannot claim to �understand� what she said, but I support it fully.   I am so proud of you, daughter.   Just wanted to include the following quote of the week: �I must govern the clock, not be governed by it,� Golda Meir.   This will be my last call.   Good-bye forever.

Elias:   Thank you sir.   Wise words, indeed.   And now to an old friend, Warsai Eritrawi:

�Warsai Eritreawi�:  What time is it?  You can tell a lot by the voice inflections of people as they ask questions.  In your case, I notice your voice trailed off as you asked the question, clearly a sign of guilt or nervousness.   To the average Eritrean, nervousness is guilt so it makes no difference whether you are guilty or nervous.   By a process of triangulation, I have narrowed the possibilities of your voice patterns to the following people: 

Tewelde Berhane  who lives in Siberia, Russia
Seyoum Weldedawit who lives in Alaska, USA and
Adel Imam, who lives in Cairo, Egypt

Which one are you?  I have theories but I won�t say, for now.   What I know for certain is that traitors and defeatists ask such questions.

Elias:   Some would say, �what is your evidence for that?�

Warsai Eritrawi:  What I also know is that traitors and defeatist also obsess over �evidence.�  See, the above individuals I mentioned are traitors.   That they haven�t contacted you or me to protest my accusation is evidence enough that they are traitors.   

Elias:  Sounds logical to me.   And now we move on to another Eritrean who writes in one of the traitor�s websites�Mensour.

Mensour Kerar: It is time to say, �The Train Has Derailed!�  SeAt, yi gebyka.   Counter-Clockwise, not clockwise!!!  Counter-lockwise is how the Genbar moves� 

Elias:   OK.   But  what do our scientists have to say about this: What Time is it?

Fisseha Habte: I am not a �scientist� and I had said �good-bye.�   Now I �want� to say �hello� and be my modest �self� representing �Hafash� and be educated by our scientists. �

Elias:  Thank you Aya Fisseha�.We turn the airwaves over to Dr. T.A. Tadesse.

Dr. T.A. Taddesse: It is time to do a survey.   The question of my survey is not as direct as �What Time Is It?�  That is too simplistic and not challenging enough for a Big Thinker like me.   My survey questions are qualitative not quantitative.   I have asked respondents to circle one of the following: Strongly Agree, Agree, Don�t Know, Disagree, Strongly Disagree.   A sample of survey statements includes:

(1)     I know people who have watches 
(2)     I prefer mechanical to electronic watches

From the responses, I was able to conclude, with 95% level of confidence that 95% of my respondents wishes that time has expired on Isaias.   Stay tuned for Part 2 and 3 of my report�

Elias:  We can�t wait for that.   Speaking of doctors, what is the opinion of Dr. Filli on the matter?

Dr. Filli: I have tape-recorded the answer to �What Time Is It?� and you can listen to it at another station.  Set your tuner to 2 minutes to midnight on FM2�

Elias:  Remember, this is Eritrea.   One radio station at a time, Doctor.   It so happens, that that FM2 station is on the studio next to my office, FM1�.OK, ready to playback, doc.

Dr. Filli:  Do you know the difference between watching and watching out? Watching is observing, looking, and seeing.   Watching out is very different from watching in, although the difference is similar to that of breathing in and breathing out.  

Elias:   So, this watch-ma-call it�

Dr. Filli:  Not watch-ma-call-it but watching and not watching out.   At this time in Eritrean history, all Eritreans who understand Eritrean-ness and Eritreanism should do less watching and more watching out.   Here�s a poem I wrote on the subject: Watch out for distorted maps, disfigured drawings, demented dragons, dastardly despots, dilapidated Druids�

Elias:  We have a note from Sister Sophia that you have used 9 �D� words without appropriating your source�.

Dr. Filli: �before you interrupted me, I was going to suggest that the tape recordings on my references are right now playing on a different radio station.   Set your tuner to FM3.  If you wait 10 minutes, I will send a revised version of the poem.

Elias:  Thank you, Dr.  And now for an Eritrean writer and an original thinker, Mr. Embaye Melekin.

Embaye Melekin:   It was time for a short conference with God.  Must you interrupt me with your banal questions?  This morning I knelt down and looked to the sky through the window and I asked God what time it was. An echo came from under the bed. It said, �I never created 10 AM or 9 PM or GMT or anything like that,; I created sunrise and sunset, night and day�now find out what time it is on your own�. You have to ask me is it sunrise or sunset, what time is it is blasphemy that can be asked by Satan himself or by his agent, the Tigrayan Isaias. It is time now, it has been time yesterday, and it will be time tomorrow to deport the Muslim Tigrayans, the Jeberti.

Elias:   Anything else?

Embaye:   Also, the Bejuk.

Elias:  Anybody else?

Embaye:  Well, I am not too pleased about having the Rashaida, but they are too few to matter.  Also, I am not too thrilled that I have to share the country with�

Hell For Hell:  I just called in to support what Embaye said about the blood-sucking Jeberti.  They should be stripped of their property and deported.  Now!

JUSTICE:   Ila tahdid ikon.  Yes, I speak Arabic and German.  Ila tahdid ikon�

Dr. Michael Fissehaye: [1] I just called in to tell you that Hell For Hell hit the nail right on the head!!!   I couldn�t have said it better�.Hade hzbi Hade lbi.

Elias:   But you are aware that you just endorsed a bigoted viewpoint�

Dr. Michael Fissehaye:  [B] I know what you are trying to do.  You are trying to put words into my mouth.   The Jeberti who love their country are welcome, as are the Mensai and everybody else.   You are just an agent of Gadi.  [C] Be that it may, let�s not loooose sight of the fact that the people from Showa and the people from Begemder are mad with the Woyane.   But to us, only the Oromo and the oppressed Somalis and the Sibaggadis�..

Elias:  We have to go.   Go anywhere but here.   Let�s try some of voices at the enemy camp, Awate.com.  Dr. Tekie told us to �listen to other voices��Let�s begin with A. Barole.  Mr. Barole,what time is it?

Barole:  I don�t want to offend you but if telling you the right time will offend you, go to hell. It is time that you read history properly. In 1968, when people fought, they didn�t care for time because they were going to die� and kill of course. Time matters less; life and death more. When are you going to die? That mattered.

Elias: Excellent point�.Let�s ask the same question of Ased Shokai who calls himself an Eritrean writer and reporter.   A�said Shekai?

Ased Shekai: You imperialist ask about time? It is time for the Awate Team to stop eating the  leftover from the White House tables. Are they missing Isaias� lap? Time is like a Sword. In lem teqTaAhu qeTaAk. I spit on your face, then I burn you in the forno and you die in the hot stove. Shame on you to ask about time when The Zionists and Imperialist and Americans are imperializing and Zionizing the broom brum braoo roooom briggggg brak bruuuur buk buk tim tin tin quack quack� my watch is broken now thanks to your conspiracy.

Elias:  Wow!  Let�s now branch off to another home of the defeatists, Messelna.  We find there Mr. Nair Fisseha or is it Fisseha Nair who also write on Awate.com.   What time is it?

Nair Fisseha: It is time for civil disobedience.  It is time to make a statement. Time to demonstrate. Time to show solidarity. Time wasted without demonstration is time wasted for nothing. Come on time and leave in time. You cannot demonstrate by sitting on your living room and watching TV even if you think the time on your TV set is right. If you are not demonstrating while others are, your time is wrong. There is time to watch TV and time to demonstrate.

Elias:   This is much too heavy, folks. We need a break.  Time for a break.  And now, I welcome an Asmarino to Asmara, the poet Haile Bokure�

Haile Bokure: An Asmarino wears his watch on his right hand.   Everyone else wears it on the left.   That is what made Asmara so special. I explained that in my last well-written poem.

Elias:  Thank you so much, Haile.    And now for another patriot, Dr. Berhan Haraka who will regale us with final words�

Dr. Berhan Ibrahim:  This reminds me of a revolutionary song from 1978.   I would like to sing it in Tigrigna and then translate it to English, Arabic and Tigre�

Elias:  Is there anything that doesn�t remind you of a song from Shaebia?

Dr. Berhan:  Metkel! Metkel! Metkel! kbl Hafash, mel�eKtu sedidu, n�metkel AngeSti gudom Qela�liU.    This is timely: Hafash stood on the plank of principle and jolted all those who defied principle�This reminds me of 1978 and young teenager at the Keren library studying big English words�

Elias:  We have to go�   In the words of

Fisseha Habte: I just wanted to �call� and say �goodbye� and that you won�t hear from me, ever again.  This time, I really mean it�