Sarcasm is the specialty of the day, the body and soul of my argument.

Today, I make my case for our democracy. I argue, we are unique and therefore we deserve a unique democracy. The self-styled "westernized" democracy is not for us. If we need democracy at all, we need a democracy that is befitting to our fine fabric of nationalism, culture and identity. We are Eritreans, and I think even our world-renowned president will agree, we need an Eritrean Democracy. And certainly not the kind of democracy the "people from Langley" [quoting the president] would want us to go with.

With that paragraph, maybe I should send my résumé to Denden Club, Bete Mengsti. I might secure a job there, given that I can pass the loyalty test they are going to give me afterwards.

Sarcasm aside, I watched the interview our one and only had with Aljazeera English several weeks ago. I have never been that much embarrassed in my entire life. It wasn't what he did. It is still OK that he goes out there and embarrasses himself. It is way overdue, anyway, that the people who still have high regards for him know him for who he really is: a dictator, a petty one at that.

What mortifies me most, however, is the fact that he still holds the key office in my country; and the fact that I still have to point towards him as my country's president.

As for the dire job he is doing, perhaps this viral message making its way around the Internet would explain it best. A friend forwarded it to me. It starts by asking a question:

Have you heard this?  When you make a call to Taff, the network message you get is <<out of network>> - Tesmi <<recharge your account>> - Shiro <<operation failed, retry later>> - Bread <<line is busy>> - Berbere <<outside the service area>> - Meat <<switched off>> - Democracy <<service is not available>> - Water <<press 5 days to refill your bucket>> - Electricity <<out of the country: please contact Generator>>

And yes, despite all that, there are those who still vouch for the wonderful job their president is doing. Who was saying logic and commonsense still prevail? Apparently not in this Eritrea. But this just proves my point. I think there are two Eritreas here, with completely differing and incomparable perspectives of the world. That is why I decided to wear the shoes of a pro-PFDJ Eritrean for just a day to try to see how their view of the world differs from mine. Pass me that hat.

Alice in Wonder Land

Wow… The world certainly looks very different in my new perspective. Let me try to play it fair.

Under my new hat, I realize the basic question one should ask before attempting to discuss democracy or any other issue is "Am I right?" The answer to that question, though seemingly very simple, is the most intricate path that would ultimately lead you to self-recognition. One may wonder, 'what on earth is this guy talking about?' I am wondering that too. The reality, however, remains one cannot satisfactorily discuss, or understand for that matter, the complex nature of democracy without attaining a certain degree of self-recognition.

I know. I can't cease surprising myself either.

Now I say we have the best democracy in the world. And no, I am not Alice, and I certainly am not in Wonder Land. This is not a fantasy. This is an argument I believe I can win.

Say it with me: We have the best democracy in the world!

You see, without realizing it you just agreed with me. You just said, "We have the best democracy in the world," admitting that I was right.

I had to give that a shot. It is a trick from my elementary school days. Make the other person repeat what you said and tell them they agree with you, they just don't realize it.

I cannot possibly use that trick now. I assure you, however, there are many other options at my disposal. The obvious ones are the following.

One, I'll pay for all your drinks, if, and only if, you promise to get drunk by the end of the day. Then I can feed you all my brain-wrecking arguments. Trust me; I do not want you sober for that.

Two, I can simply drug you into believing what I have to say. That's a lot easier.

Three, well, I can send my people after you. I mean the likes of 'Asmara Rose', if you are outside Eritrea, or General Wuchu, if you are inside Eritrea. I don't need you to agree with me on anything on that. Just remember one thing. In the end, it is my way or the highway.

The Intellectual Approach

If those options don't seem intellectual enough for you, try this. It is the confuse-and-anger-your-opponent-until-they-leave-you-alone approach. Maybe you have noticed, our president is the master of this art.

Let's start with the obvious. And I want you to answer my questions. What is democracy?  Why are people obsessing about it? Is it something you eat? Some thing you can feel or breathe? What does it look like? Is it black? Is it white? These very important questions need to be answered. Because, for instance, the color has a key importance, and it dictates the way we look at the issue. If it is white, remember what Bahta Segeneyti said? Something about not trusting the white snake? And If it is black, well just give me some time and I will find you something Raisi Weldemichael had said.

By the way, you still realize it is my hat making its case, right? Good!

So, who are you anyway to talk about democracy? You are from the country that abuses its people. Even if you were from another country, who cares? The bottom line, you do not have the moral high ground to ask me anything. After all, the fabric of the Eritrean public has always been about respecting the rights of others, mutual co-existence, tolerance, and even free and fair elections. Remember the Baytos in every village. So there is no way you can come to my face and tell me we are not a democracy.

However, if you are talking about the types of democracies in the US, Iran, Zimbabwe, the EU and the rest of the world, you just do not have the framework to compare those democracies. On top of all that, we are unique, and so we will not take any model of democracy from any other country. We will come up with our own genuinely original Eritrean democracy, even if it means it will take us 100 years. We have done it with our independence and we can do it again. Even if we assume democracy is important, you have to prove the Eritrean public wants democracy. I guarantee democracy is not going to demarcate our borders. Therefore, the Eritrean people have a lot of issues occupying their minds; they are not interested in democracy. In line with this, you can even argue we are in line with the will of the people, when we don't endorse the ideals of 'democracy' in our motherland.

Democracy aside: Conversation with my Conscience

Now that my hat had made its case, it was time for the conversation to start.

"What about the other issues?" startled my conscience asks.

"What other issues?" unrepressed, my new hat responds.

"The constitution, the elections, the prisons and incarcerations, the G-15, the state of the education system, the shortage of commodities, the two wars we are in, I will rephrase, the two conflicts we are in – with Ethiopia on the south, and Djibouti on the East – to mention a few," my conscience clarifies.

"Those are non-issues. Most of them have already been settled. The border with Ethiopia is virtually demarcated. The conflict with Djibouti… well, we would still have to discuss on how we would like to pursue that, but guess what it turns out they only have two helicopters. The elections they will happen in due time. There is no hurry to hold elections solely intending to amuse some outside parties. We will wait until the framework for such an election is established. On top of that, we cannot hold elections while we are in a state of war with Ethiopia."

"Hold on a second, didn't you just say the border issue with Ethiopia has already been resolved?" asks my conscience, to which my hat responds:

"Oh yes, it has. However, as long as Ethiopia keeps occupying our territories we will remain in a state of war. And this particular situation is not viable to hold free and fair elections.  As for the G-15, they are not political prisoners. They betrayed their country and their people by refusing to uphold the basic foundation of being an Eritrean - agreeing with the leadership. They also misunderstood the leadership thinking the solution for all our problems was peaceful negotiations. We are a small nation. And so we need to be tough. And those people were not tough when they said in public 'we messed up, and we need to make amends.' They had simply forgotten our old ways. You just can't say what they said in public and expect a positive result. They shamed us all, so they deserve it. On top of that, there is only a few of them left now."

"What is that supposed to mean?" my conscience cannot take it anymore. "These are our heroes and heroines. Don't you have any shame? Don't they deserve the same respect you give their co-fighters? Is it ok they are perishing one by one in remote prisons?"

"Oh no, you have to think about this rationally. Ponder for a minute, what would the Eritrean public have done to them if they were left to wonder on the streets of Asmara free. We would have seen the same images from 2000 years ago, when Christ was crucified in Jerusalem. We are talking about mass protests against them. The Eritrean government did them a favor by protecting them from the public." 

My conscience is wondering where 'I' had read that same line of argument.

"I see your talking points." My conscience mumbles, "You are repeating stuff others had said before you. I guess what you guys do is,  get together storm some ideas and pick the most ridiculous explanation of them all, before you start going around and making fool of yourselves.  I am asking for a real answer. I am asking why it is difficult for you to just admit most of the things you are doing are plainly wrong. Anyway, what about the shortage of commodities? And the youth who are leaving the country like never before?"

"Well, as I said before, and I will say it again, we are a very small nation."

"So I have noticed," my conscience nods.

"Save me the sarcasm," my hat is not happy.

"Sorry, I just couldn't help it. Go on!"

"As I was saying," my hat starts to explain, "We are a small nation. What that means is we need to be strong. We need to be tough. We have a lot of enemies without it. So, there is no other way around it. We just have to be tough."

"I get that part. Move from there."

"Well, from what we have seen in the past, this was not achievable unless the Eritrean public was forced to take another route. After independence, we became very comfortable as a people. We forgot our old ways. We forgot the bad times under the Derg regime. We forgot how people had to put chichero, candy, in their tea, because they could not find sugar in the market. We were becoming very lax, in short. And that is the opposite of tough. So the government had to come up with a plan that would work. To help us change our new ways, and help us go back to the old ways. What you are seeing in Eritrea right now is a success story. You would be amazed with what the Eritrean people can do. They can live with three loafs of bread per day stipend. They won't use more than two kilos of sugar per family per month. We are back to the way we used to be. This should not be portrayed as a sad story in any way. If at all, it has to be told as exactly as what it is: a success story. A story of how our government corrected the failing ways, we as a people tended to pursue for a short while, into better ways that would do us a lot of good as a society.

"And the other thing about the youth leaving the country, that's again a non-issue," my hat is feeling hot for explaining such a complex issue in not so many words.

"I beg your pardon?" my conscience, on the other hand, is at loss for words.

"Well, do not think for a minute our leadership is not concerned about it," my hat is just warming up.  "It is. The only thing you can say is, it is not making its concern public. You know the government's policy not to talk about our achievements in public. There is no use in bragging. As you know, our leadership is very pragmatic. Therefore, there is a plan already in place to reverse this flow. As the saying goes: Eti Kelbi Yinebih, Eta gemel dema guezoa tikitsil. The camel pursues its journey, as the dog continues to bark. What I am trying to say is, these young people, they are leaving the country now because they don't understand the complicated ways our government follows. But let them be. Once they see the real change, once they see the developed Eritrea, mark my words, they will flow back to Eritrea. There are already plans for the massive-reverse-exodus of Eritreans from abroad in place. It is just too naïve to think the government does not know what it is doing. It is actually on the contrary. It is our people who do not know what they are doing. If only they could realize the plans the government has for them, and just follow suit."

Hold on people… there is a massive wind of realization coming my way.

Wow… it just blew my hat off. I am back to my senses. And I now need to go take a break. I will probably need some therapy to get over this hallucination I have just went through. I pity though, I pity all those who have to live this life every single day.

Y.Y asks. "By the way, I'm thinking of entertaining some reactions from readers... may be words of encouragement, or words telling me to take a long hike. So I created an account: This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it . Now I don't know what your policies are in that regard. But if you think it is alright, may be you can provide the link at the end."

Awate response: Looks like, James Brown's Papa has a brand new bag, and our Y.Y's got a brand new hat.  Regarding the expected mail, create folders for "take a long hike" and "attaboy."  Within take a hike mail folder, you can create subfolders for ease of reading: "anta weyane", "anta agame", "anta Tulkuy"....