The Normandy landing during WW2 pales in comparison with the astounding swift victories of the last few weeks. As a result, yesterday, one of the new breed of generals was promoted to the rank of Field Marshal. Nodding his head in regret, a sad Frenchman said, “if Napoleon had such able generals, Waterloo would have been a symbol of pride and not shame”. Indeed, the new breed of generals surpassed the generals of the past in talents and courage. The gallant generals are now relaxing and enjoying themselves- a well deserved repose of fighters. Eritreans should be proud to have been born in the same land as those generals.
Watching pictures of halls with a capacity of 800 people filled with 4000 people, and reading reports of the recent series of successful Hzbawi Mekhete attacks against the Weyane, I have been very inspired. I have been elated. Thanks to the new generals, our blood enemies, the Weyane, who bled us since the days Ras Michael, are now defeated. The world has testified that the latest battles against the Weyane strongholds were conducted with unprecedented efficiency. Veteran incompetent commanders of the liberation struggle, who wasted their lives fighting the Dreg army, should be humbled by the talents of the charismatic new generals of the Hizbawi Mekhete – but they should be proud that the new breed carried the torch.
Perfecting the old USA strategy of taking the war away from the USA and into enemy lands, the new breed of Hizbawi Mekhete generals took the war against the Weyane away from Badme and to the dangerous streets of London, Washington DC and to many other capital cities of the imperialist world before we incorporated them into our glorious empire. The new generals not only won battles, but also won the war for our beloved government and our adored president- long live the president.
The Wrath Of Our Generals
The most spectacular victories were registered by the troops of Field Marshal Gideon who first attacked the Weyane forces in Washington, DC and liberated its streets. His troops outflanked the Weyane forces around Washington and killed almost all of them. However, though Field Marshal Gideon deserves the credit for the successes in the East Coast of the USA, military analysts believe the victory could not have been decisive had the reserve forces of general Berhe not attacked the Weyane’s southern flank - specially around Atlanta. The mercenary forces of the Weyane who were attacked by the troops of General Berhe surrendered en masse. Hundreds of bodies of Weyane forces litter the streets of Atlanta as a result of the merciless attacks by the forces of the highly decorated general. This was exasperated because all the street cleaners were sent to Sawa for orientation- a patriot said, "a few days of inconvenience is not going to hurt Atlantans; we look forward to a bright future".
In Dallas, a colonel was sent to the city to conquer it. He assembled his units in a house where a Baptism party was going on. Minutes into the party, the door bell rang and when the host opened the door, he found the governor of Texas and the mayor of Dallas kneeling and crawling on all fours carrying a huge boulder and asking for forgiveness. The colonel, having accomplished the baptism and the surrender of the great state of Texas, moved north to Canada. On his way, he conquered Boston, threw a 'Boston Beer Party' as a sign of the destruction of the Weyane in the region, and destroyed New York. In Canada, the general was received by the royal mounted police who accompanied him to Ottawa. With the exception of Toronto and surroundings, where a few Weyane army are foolishly resisting, the whole of Canada has surrendered to the colonel. The native Canadians have not decided how to respond yet.
The colonel, short on airborne troops, has telegrammed the Hizbawi Mekhete command in London to send him a unit of airborne forces to carry a swift attack on Toronto. They have 20,000 troops in London living in a barrack meant for 4,000. A Weyane mole within the troops was exposed when he complained about the squalid living conditions, far below the standards of our great empire. To mislead the other troops, the mole had shouted "Victory to the Masses!" He was shot on the spot by a patriot of the Hzbawi Mekhete. Last night, two thousand airborne troops from London rained on Houston. Beaming with happiness, the colonel, promised to finish mobbing up the state of Texas in two days and 4 hours (4 hours partying is already planned). Residents of Houston are terrified after they heard the colonel threatening on television, promising to make the city a heap of rubble if residents didn’t turn in the few Weyane moles who are engaged in hit and run activities. Many residents are fleeing the city for fear of an aerial bombardment. Military observers expect the Weyane remnants in the city to surrender to the Eritrean external army or flee to the North pole in desperation. A few have already committed suicide.
Equally spectacular, the London battle is considered very dramatic in the way it was conducted. Field Marshal Gideon and his elite commando units landed in a deserted beach south of the cliffs of Dover in the south of England and stealthily advanced north towards London. Marching under the cover of darkness, over muddy country trails and under heavy rains, the elite commando units miraculously reached London in one night. Under heavy artillery fire barrage, they defeated the Weyane army that was entrenched in a U shaped formation. By night fall, the Weyane defenses around London were broken and completely destroyed. No casualties on our glorious forces, save for a soldier who slid in the mud and dislocated his knee cap. He was chastised for shaming the army and as a punishment, he will be denied bread rations for one week.
Earlier, the airborne troops of General Girmay Santim dropped like hailstorms from the sky and in a lightening speed, controlled strategic locations around the major cities. Local English militias loyal to General Hamdan and General Berhe are now standing watch on roadblocks around Piccadilly and Buckingham palace. The loyal tegadalai Berekhet was rewarded and made a Major in the local militia while tegadalai Tewelde and tegadalai Akhberom were made captains. The three energetic militia commanders each took an armored military vehicle and drove to where local Weyane moles were hiding. They successfully apprehended traitor Petros, traitor Amanuel and traitoress Selam Kidane. Selam was taken to the London bridge prison where she will be kept until she recants her faith while the other two traitors were imprisoned in a horse stable in the outskirts of London. Yesterday, tegedalai major Bereket accomplished a task so important to the security of the empire- he marched to Scotland and took charge of the Johnny Walker distilleries. One hundred crates of aged whiskey were immediately shipped to Asmara on British Airways (now carrying the Eritrean Airlines logo) as a gift to the commander in chief.
The parliament building was converted into a makeshift prison for captured English mercenaries working for the Weyane. Many mercenaries of Eritrean descent who were fighting alongside the English militias for the Weyane were identified by Field Marshal Gideon’s security personnel. They were easily picked from among the captured militia- their dark complexion gave them away. A spokesman for the victorious forces under the command of Field Marshal Gideon indicated that “black militia who were arrested masquerading as white militia will face serious punishment”. General Berhe, as efficient as he is, is thinking of saving the justice system time and resources. He might gun down the prisoners or send them to one of the occupied territories in the African Sahara. The commander in chief, who admires such efficiency, might decorate general Berhe with yet another star (he has to earn two more stars before qualifying for the rank of field marshal). But Gideon wants to order the prisoners to haul boulders to Trafalgar square. He is determined to build a pyramid bigger than the one in Giza.
Last night, the BBC television, now beaming from Asmara, the empire’s capital, showed scenes of the battles between the Hzbawi Mekhete forces and the Weyane English mercenaries. Old women were seen ululating and cheering the advancing gallant forces. The women supplied the new-age tegadelti with English muffins and Irish porridge. Admirable mothers baked the muffins in their apartment and carried it all the way to the outskirts of London. Analysts believe the muffins uplifted the already high morale of the Hizbawi Mekhete troops who fought with exceptional zeal. Though there are insignificant bands of Weyane die-hards throughout London, our commanding generals are determined to smoke them out and wipe them from the face of England. London has fallen to our gallant troops and their brave commanders. The union jack was unceremoniously lowered and a Hzbawi Mekhete flag was hoisted.
Just Before The Fall Of Europe
General Berhe Habtegergish, the skilled general who defeated the meek forces of the Derg two decades ago when he was just a first lieutenant, has now completely destroyed the Weyane forces in different parts of the new Eritrean regime’s empire. He has unleashed his military talents on the Weyane forces in door-to-door battles in the streets of Stockholm. His soldiers, all muddied and in tattered uniforms after a long campaign, are in high morale knowing they would declare victory in a few days time. Most of the Weyane elements in Sweden were captured. Nair, Hamde, Ibrahim and many others will face a firing squad while weyane elemnts who run TV stations will be hanged next Sunday. Having accomplished that, the general will attack and bring about the surrender of Russia and France. Italy and Norway have already surrendered without firing a bullet. Belgium and the Netherlands were defeated after a few skirmishes.
Last week, once London was liberated, General Berhe sent orders for some retired generals to march and conquer the Iberian Peninsul. He ordered them to incarcerate all the royal families and the pro-Weyane elements. He also ordered them to send a commando unit to subdue Egypt and control the Suez canal. The retired general has already accomplished all of the orders over the last weekend.
Retired general Girma Asmerom who reports to General Berhe, single handedly forced the Belgian Weyane regime to surrender. In recognition, he was appointed governor of the South-Europe part of the new empire. His first proclamation was a decree prohibiting the Flemish and Sicilian languages. When I called his Excellency’s office for an interview, his secretary told me he was busy mounting a wall-to-wall mirror in his new office. His office complex is now located in the old EU building. A modern night club with state of the art lighting and sound system was immediately opened on the lower floors. General Girma has already hired a music band from a Mercato Azmari Bet.
The Avenging General
A month ago, General Hamdan had arrived all the way from Germany to Washington to assist in the battles for the conquest of continental USA. He was accompanied by the elite 1st brigade from Germany which carried out a lightening assault on the left flank on the bases of the Weyane American mercenary in the Mid-West and obliterated it. While mopping up remnants of the forces, he stumbled in a nuclear arm storage in the Nevada desert and he is now in control of hundreds of nuclear war heads. President Bush's nuclear command briefcase is already in the hands of Field Marshal Gideon.
General Hamdan is a well known battle hardened warrior whose skills were first noticed on the Badme front when he obliterated the Weyane army in 2000. If not for his skills and courage, the Hzbawi Mekhete forces would not have pacified central USA and conquered the Mississippi river waterways. He is also the general credited with conquering the Pentagon. “My best satisfaction was when George Bush, the Weyane operative, surrendered to my troops” General Hamdan gleefully said. And though his forces insisted that he stay at the white house as a liberator, in a typical warrior’s spirit, he declined the offer and instead preferred to stay with his troops in a tent pitched at the White House lawn. The tent was gifted by Gaddafi to the commander in chief, who in turn gifted it to general Hamdan.
In the pacific rim, fearing the wrath of the new generals, Japan, China and Russia have indicated their willingness to surrender to the advancing Hzbawi Mekhete armies. Earlier, when the pacific countries didn’t respond to the Hzbawi Mekhete army’s ultimatum, General Hamdan and General Sophia were both spewing fire like an angry Dragon. Field Marshal Gideon who has a soft spot for China, indicated his happiness for the peaceful surrender. Beaming with a smile, Field Marshal Gideon could not conceal his joy and said, “I would hate destroying China which once was a beacon of socialism; though unlike in the past it is now a Weyane state, it is good news that China chose to surrender”.
A few weeks ago, General Hamdan was about to destroy China when Field Marshal Gideon stopped him. General Hamdan didn’t know that Japan and China were two different countries. When he was told the difference, he commented, “They look the same to me.” He is glad he didn’t attack China because it would have angered Field Marshal Gideon who last night was promoted the empire army’s chief of staff with a title of field marshal.
General Hamdan’s last mission is to force a small USA Weyane mercenary army, that is stationed in the grounds of the Mall, to surrender peacefully. He has already given them an ultimatum. “If they do not surrender, we will suck them in with a huge vacuum cleaner” he said with a grunt of an angry general throwing his binaculars. With a few exceptions of Weyane resistance in the city, the whole of Washington DC is subdued. Arms that were captured in the battles of Washington are being shipped to different battle theaters all over the confines of our emerging empire. All that would not have been possible if not for commander Asgede Hagos- the general in charge of the Command and Control center.
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The Signora General
In Oakland, the only female general had the honor of conquering the city’s port and the city of San Francisco a few miles away. General Sophia, whose troops now control the West Coast of the USA, has passed a proclamation renaming CNN. It is now called HMTV, abbreviation for Hzbawi Mekhete TV. She has also given contracts to all Ethiopian and Eritrean restaurants in Oakland to feed her officers. “General Sophia’s favorite dish is Zilzil Wet” said an Eritrean restaurateur who was being interviewed by the media in her kitchen. She added, “The general has a difficult job and I suggested that she eat three nutritious meals instead of six junk meals a day”. The restaurateur refused to have her picture taken.
In San Jose, a patriotic brave foot-soldier promoted himself to the rank of colonel, and with troops composed of thousands of militia, carried out a spectacular assault on the East Bay area. Amazed by the success by the self-made colonel, General Sophia promoted him to brigadier general.
General Sophia and her patriotic lieutenants are making preparations to receive the Lion of Nakfa who is expected to tour his new empire that his able generals have expanded. There is rumors that the generals are thinking of proposing a new nickname for their commander in chief- he might now be called the ‘Atlantic Shark’ instead of the ‘Lion of Nackfa’. But now that the pacific rim countries are conquered, there is a possibility he might be called ‘The Pacifico-Atlantic Shark’. Previous attempts to elect the Lion of Nackfa as a lifetime god may now be successful. The idea is wholeheartedly supported by the brave Hzbawi Mekhte troops.
Elsewhere, the Weyane army is in disarray and is scattered all over the world. A Weyane battalion has been spotted in the foothills of Mount Everest where they reached after escaping the advancing armies of General Hamdan. Meles Zenawi, the Ethiopian dictator, is negotiating to surrender and hasn’t decided whether to surrender to General Berhe who has taken residence in the old royals’ palace, or to Field Marshal Gideon who has chosen the Windsor palace as his residence. Meles had tried in vain to negotiate terms of surrender through the UN; but discovered that the UN, EU and other world bodies have sworn allegiance to the Lion of Nackfa - he should have known. Meles’ advisors are trying to persuade him not to surrender to General Sophia, the colorfully, highly – highly – decorated general. She is believed to be very close to General Kemal Gulcha who badly wants to make Meles denounce his Tigray heritage and repent. General Kemal, the most courageous Ethiopian general, was the first general to expose the volatile secrete about the Tigrai-ness of Meles.
More Territories For Our Empire
Hizbawi Mekhete loyalists has been inspired to emulate the success of the senior generals in the USA, Europe and elsewhere. Self proclaimed generals and colonels have initiated assaults of their own and attacked many Weyane-ruled countries. They successfully conquered and pacified their respective regions by clearing the streets of remnants of the Weyane forces.
In Kenya, independent groups formed a well equipped twenty-person unit, elected an embassy clerk and promoted him to the rank of colonel. The appointed colonel immediately assembled more anti-Weyane militia and launched a swift attack on the camp of the Kenyan army and subdued the whole of Kenya. Considering the heavy bombardment they faced, it is not surprising that the Kenyan army surrendered without any further resistance.
Ten days ago in Saudi Arabia, the aspiring secretary of the embassy of the Eritrean government wanted to declare himself a colonel and conquer Saudi Arabia the next day. Ambassador Mohammed Omer, who has already declared himself a five-star general, ordered the restless colonel to wait a few more days for the attack. The colonel agreed after he was given ten plastic bottles filled with locally distilled clandestine Vodka. Attacking Saudi Arabia this week would have disrupted the Bingo Championship games that are sponsored by the mighty PFDJ government - now an even mightier empire. Military strategists believe the conquest of Saudi Arabia may not be carried out because the Saudis are secretly negotiating to surrender. Earlier, the scorching Saudi Arabian sun was blocked as hundreds of fighter planes covered the sky. The planes took off from the Hzbawi Mekhete warships sailing in the Red Sea. In a calculated show of force the planes turned the bright Saudi landscape into a hazy day. Meanwhile, in Asmara, Alamin Maohammed Saeed is lobbying around the presidential palace to be appointed Naib of Saudi Arabia.
Most of the new breed of generals learned the art of empire building in 1998-2000 when they were warming up for the final battle and doing Yoga exercises in Western cities. They parked their cars many feet away from the entrance of malls and were purposely dirtying their shiny shoes in preparation for the big event. Some brave and highly disciplined ones even limited themselves to only three meals a day. Certainly, the blood that was spilled during the last border war was not to the level of the new generals dignity. They are determined to spill ten times as much blood to prove their courage and love for the mother country. And since all the decisive Eritrean battles are being waged in the new territories acquired by the PFDJ empire, any amount of blood spilled on the old contested border is considered complimentary and might satisfy the Weyane evil spirits that have surrendered and now reside with the new generals. Field Marshal Gideon's wisdom was evident when he declared, “if the whole world fights you, you have to defeat the whole world”. Gaddafi was rewarded and made a regional Khedami anchor for the whole of Africa with the exception of the Horn of Africa, the seat of the new empire. Generel Kemal Gulcha was asked to promote himself and was offered a handful of stars by the commander in chief. General Kemal took as much stars as his shoulder can carry. He is being groomed to be the Naib of Ethiopia. Aweys was promoted to the position of Mufti of the Islamic World while Sheikh Alamin was made spiritual director of Sawa camp with the rank of Ras.
Now that the Eritrean regime has occupied the whole world, with the exception of Mali and Niger, the Weyane and its leader’s days are counted.
In Asmara the proud capital of the new empire, the victorious masses are celebrating day and night. The new symbol of celebrating instituted by the Hzbawi Mekhete however, is proving to be very confusing to the people. When told to spread their hands up to the air, people are asking whether they are praying, celebrating or surrendering. They were told, “be ready, very soon it will rain bread”.
The Sun never sets on the PFDJ empire
Long live the Pacifico-Atlantic Shark
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