Eri-TV's revolution is the one that will transform Isaias Afwerki from a humble Tegadalai to a demi-god worthy of emulation.  To my mind, the first sign of this revolution, (published on Shabait and helpfully translated to English by Awate ) occured in April 2002 in one of Isaias' trips to Gash-Barka.  Since then, there have been odes to the golden pen, and golden tongues that were televised in Eri-TV.  Now, we have graduated to Iron Will and this time, the Revolution has been televised, live: an entourage following Isaias Afwerki from Massawa to Djibouti, and a court jester praising his greatness the entire journey--and advising us to use the great man as an example.

As a citizen who emulates his king, I mean his president, I am doing my share but the media just are not cooperating with me.  Last week, I drove from Eureka, CA to Tijuana, Mexico.  That is from one end of California to the other. It was 1,106 kilometers.  Naturally, I sent the videotape of the entire travel to a media baron we all know, Tes Meharenna.  I asked him to air it to his viewers and share my Iron Will with them.  He wasn't impressed and he refused.  I called him and this is how the conversation went:

Hey, man, this is censorship!  Why aren'tt you showing my video?

"Because it is boring.  I would rather watch paint dry than watch a car driving down the road," he said. 

I was incensed.  Obviously, he hadn't seen the video!

How about the part when my car pulled over at a gas station, somewhere in the wilderness, and how I walked down the road.  How I was conducting business the entire time! 

"So?" he asks, rudely.

Did you not see me--how I ran into the American farmer and asked him what he does and he told me he is a farmer and he eats what he grows?

This media baron is not impressed. This is why the state should own the media. 

"And why is that a good story?" he asks.

It talks about the human condition: that we can walk, chew gum and even do that..what do you call it? That in and out thing?

"Breathing?"

Yes!  It shows I can make small talk with the ordinary people!

"You are an ordinary person!"

Thanks to you and your censorship.

"You asked a farmer, wearing a straw hat, who is standing right in front of a sign that reads, welcome to Gilroy, garlic capital of the world, 'is there any garlic here?'"

Gee, some people are just hard to impress. 

Easy for you to say that because you did not half-walk and half-drive 1,106 kilometers.

"Half-walk"?

That is what the video says.

"And why do you keep mentioning kilometers.  It is 687 miles.  I drive that distance every week."

Well, this guy was not going to be easy.  

How about the time when the car's gas tank was full? I whistled to the car, my Landcruiser, and like a horse in a cowboy movie, my car galloped to where I was standing, opened its door and I got in?

"What? That didn't happen!"

I can make it happen.

"Is it in the video?"

It can be in a video.

"Anything that is already in the video?"

Well, I had a friend, who was in the car with me, and he was announcing the drive.

"Announcing the drive?"

You gotta see it.  He says, "look at my friend, he never gets tired!  Look at him put his right foot on the accelerator--now, he is breaking--now he is steering the wheel!"  It is a colorful commentary.

"And this friend is, what, a journalist?"

He can be a journalist.

"But why would the audience be interested in this?  What is the hook?"

I half-drove, half-walked 1106 kilometers. 

"687 miles! And you didn't half-walk!"

Fine.

"I mean besides your kilometer thing."

I had a friend announce it...

"Besides that! Did you have any adventures?  Anything interesting?  Anything at all?"

You mean besides the demonstration of my Iron Will?

"Yes, a lot more besides that and please don't play sound effects when you say, "Iron Will'"

I was changing my hats.  And I had sharp sun glasses.  And a cell phone.

"You are wasting my time."

We killed a lot of animals.

"Oh?"

You know the bugs that squash themselves on your windshield?  Dead by the hundreds! 

"And..."

Well, we almost had an accident.

"Is that in the video?"

It could be in the video.

"Come on, man, now you really are wasting my time."

Wait, wait.  Did I tell you that the entire time we were also playing music.  Eritrean music!  A couple of times, I had my hand dangling outside the window.

"You are telling me that nothing happened in the car, nothing happened on the road.  Did anything happen at Eureka, when you began the journey?"

You know Eureka is the earthquake capital of California.

"Was there an earthquake?"

I am sure there was.

"Is it in the video? Don't answer that! 'It could be,' right?" 

Well, it depends on what you mean by 'earthquake.'  Major, minor, very minor.  There are 1.3 million very minor earthquakes per year, you know.

"But that is not newsworthy!  Which is exactly the problem with your piece.  No news!"

We were playing Hantia ala!  Helen! You choose whether it is Tesmi or MeAr!  You are the publisher! I can't do everything, you know.

That is when he had enough: "I am going to hang up now."

Wait, wait.  There is more.   Aren't you going to ask me about what happened in Tijuana?

"I am afraid to ask."

A Mexican dude told my friend the journalist that he has seen a TV broadcast of the earthquake in Eureka and he has always admired the clean city, its residents and specially me.

"Did he really say that?"

We don't understand Spanish.  In our translation of what he said, that is what it sounded like he said.  We will stick with that translation; we really like it.

"Why did you drive to Tijuana anyway?"

Because I couldn't fly there.

"No, no, what was the purpose of your going to Tijuana?"

Oh, I had to attend a conference. 

"Should I even ask what the topic was?"

The Socially Redeeming Qualities of the Girls Gone Wild videos.

"What?!"

I don't remember, I think it was "Tijuana and Eureka: Fraternal Cities Bonded In Gold." Yawn. My assistant took notes, I am sure, and I lectured the mayor of San Diego: "San Diego has a great role to play in the development of Tijuana." But you are missing the point about my Iron Will!  It is not about the destination; the story is in the journey!

"Can you possibly say anything to make this video sound even more boring!"

Well, that is because I didn't tell you about the drive back.

"I really have to go now."

We had a flat tire, and we had to rent a helicopter halfway.  The police escorted us but I think that is because they wanted to make sure we were really out of their country.

"I am hanging up."

I took some pictures of some construction work.

"Bye."

Some people are so rude.  It is his loss.  What aggravates me is that I had to listen to a song I hate, the screech of Helen,  just to make it to the video because Asmarino likes that song.  As for you, you will have to watch the video on youtube. It is not there, but it could be.

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